Sunday, June 20, 2010

The Water Was Cold...

Last night, I cried like a baby. Not just because I had just humiliated myself with an awful handling go-kart in front of all my old friends, but because I needed to. The water has been cold for a really long time and I really couldn't take it any more. Lately, life has caught up to me so fast that I really don't know what to do. I want a break, not like a nap-break but a break into something great. I consider racing as the one thing in my life that I've done right, the one thing I fit into. However, as I sit there in the van after the race, contemplating life, I think about how I feel like I've kinda lost that real drive to do it or, I never really had it. I wanna be that kid that's just so obsessed with racing so bad, and sometimes I feel like I am. However, when it gets down to it, that moment of what are we gonna change on the set-up next, I don't know what to do. When I'm on the track I know exactly what to do at each moment. I can just feel it. I just have trouble getting to the point that I'm fast enough to dive for the lead, fast enough to lead the lap that counts. Fast enough to carry that flag around the track.

Most of our problem is not having the enough money to race a lot. Its an expensive sport and its hard to find anyone who wants to sponsor a "go-kart" or a "race truck". They don't sound like big money makers, do they? But I do feel like I'm getting that drive back. The more I write this the better I feel. We're gonna try one last thing, and if it doesn't work I have to tear down my kart and make sure the chassis isn't bent from a previous wreck.

I felt much better after my baby-crying. I guess it takes some old-school remedies for some big and new problems. It didn't fix my problems, it just made me feel better about going after them.


  1. Crying and writing about my problems always helps me. It lets out a lot of angry/upset energy, and am able to see the situation more clearly.


    BTW, in MY eyes, you will always be an awesome racer. :)

  2. Thank you so much Em, it means a lot.